Bringing baby home: how to prepare your kids for a newborn

Updated November 2022 | 4 min read
Expert contributor Dr Brooklyn Storme, child psychologist
Words by Charmaine Yabsley

Mums share their tips on how they introduced a new baby to their kids.

Bringing a new baby home is an exciting time for your family, and your children will likely have a range of emotions when they learn about their new brother or sister. They could be excited, confused or jealous.

While you take time to enjoy the first days with your newborn, there are many things you can do to prepare your child for the arrival of a sibling and reassure them that you love them as much as ever.

When you’re pregnant, if your child or children are old enough to talk, explain the pregnancy and what it means to them. Child psychologist Dr Brooklyn Storme suggests that during your pregnancy you let your child touch your belly and ask questions.

“Get them involved in preparations for baby’s arrival as this can help them feel less anxious,” she says. You could do this by getting them involved in choosing items for the nursery like toys, clothing or decorations. Sharing these experiences with your child and making them a part of the process can help them feel more connected to the new baby.

How to prepare siblings for a new baby

When Nicola Conville McDonald was expecting a sibling to Lucy, now seven, she spent time preparing her daughter for the new arrival.

“We read books about being a big sister. I also let her choose a gift for the baby, and I bought one from the new baby [her brother Nathan, now four], to her. We ‘exchanged’ the gifts the first time they met, in hospital.”

Mother-of-three Teresa Wuersching also read books that tackle sibling rivalry to help her children prepare for the new baby in the family.

“We read a book called There’s an Ouch in my Pouch [a children’s book about independence and siblings, by Jeanne Willis],” she says.

Movies are also helpful, particularly ones which have a big brother or sister as the starring role, says Dr Storme.

“We have a two year old boy and a nine week old girl,” says Isabel Rene. “There’s a TV show called Daniel Tiger about a tiger who gets a little sister. We watched that several times, and read books, such as There’s a House Inside My Mummy, by Giles Andreae. So far my son is very sweet with his little sister but is still taking some time to adjust.”

Bringing a new baby home

“When your baby comes home from the hospital, or is ready to be introduced to the whole family, your child will likely want to help and it’s a great idea to encourage this,” says Dr Storme. “The transition can be tough but helping them settle into their new role can reap rewards.”

Mother of two Andrea Wilkin encouraged her daughter, Naia, to copy her when looking after the newborn. “I got Naia a baby and bath set, and so she bathed her ‘baby’, when I bathed her brother Reef. She loved it and they both played together with it when Reef was old enough.”

However, sometimes even well-laid plans can go awry. The early arrival of her second daughter meant that the ideas Karen Packham had to involve her daughter in the upcoming arrival of her sister fell by the wayside.

“We had planned to buy our older daughter a watch as a present, so that she could be the grown-up sister and my helper. But baby number two arrived five weeks earlier, before we even had a chance to buy it.”

Karen agrees it’s important to begin preparing siblings for the new arrival as early as possible. “In hindsight, I wish I’d made more of the fact that she was going to be very special to me in helping to raise her sister. I also wish I’d handed the baby over to my husband regularly, while I went off and did things just with her.”

The transition period for older siblings can be difficult but is often only short-lived. “My daughters now get on very well,” says Karen. “Part of that is being very aware of any possible conflicts and taking time to be aware, listen and talk to the older one, no matter how busy you think you are.”

Signs of sibling rivalry

Sibling rivalry is more common when children are the same gender and born closely together.
Some children, no matter how much you prepare them, will still display signs of the green-eyed monster.

“Despite ensuring Molly, two, had equal attention from us, family and visitors, when Tilly finally arrived, she was not impressed,” says Lorraine Gibson. “Molly frequently enquired as to when Tilly was 'going back'! The good news? Once Tilly began to 'talk' it was fine. They’re now 11 and 13 and get on brilliantly – most of the time.”

“Sibling rivalry is often for the attention and affection provided by a parent,” says Dr Storme. “A sibling will often show their jealousy through behaviours such as fighting, pushing, hitting and shouting.”

Other signs could include avoidance of family activities or wanting to stay in their room.
“Talk with them openly and without judgement, in a safe place, about why they did a certain thing. The key to mitigating this behaviour will often be in understanding the reason for it. [Try to] make time each day for your child to spend with you one-on-one even if it’s only for 15 minutes to help them feel connected,” says Dr Storme.

If you’re concerned about how your children are getting along, speak with your GP, who may suggest counselling or other support for your children.

Getting extra help

If you’re thinking about counselling for your children, eligible HCF members^* can access PSYCH2U for online video consultations. Help your family get the right wellbeing support through HCF’s range of comprehensive mental health support programs.

Eligible HCF members can also access Calm Kid Central^{^}, an online educational and support program for kids aged 4 to 11 with big feelings and emotional challenges.